if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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