There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
