Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
