Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
