she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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