We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
