sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
