you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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