i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
