Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Someone signed my nipple.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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