Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
