Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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