The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
