conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We have so much sex to catch up on
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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