Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
