Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
