cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
