Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
