shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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