Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
