That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
