i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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