this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
