I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
