Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
