What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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