it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
