ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
