he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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