I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
