Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
