8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
