We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
