hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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