...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
