We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
