May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
