Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
