About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
