; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If that was your dad, he is hot
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
