ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think my moral compass just broke
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
