They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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