hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
