i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
