Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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