i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
