Whod you bang
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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