well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They took my balls.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
