Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
