Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
