Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
