Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
