he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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