Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
