How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
