I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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