Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
