Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we made out on top of his cat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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