Redeem this text for a blowjob
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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