I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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