So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
