I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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