Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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