I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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