both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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